Monthly Archives: July 2013

Pray the gay away? – From The Books of Mark

 pray-away-the-gaySo I read an article on the Huffington Post about a family that had their son chose either his love for Jesus or his sexuality. The article is below

I don’t ever remember being given an ultimatum to choose between Jesus and sexuality but it has always been established that “it wasn’t what little boys did.” I grew up in church. We went on Sunday morning . A non-denominational interracial church there was only 1 service unlike some churches today.

We met in schools and hotels. The building was not what was the church the people were the church. The year was 1995. My mom had just died the year before, and my dad was in jail. I was empty, my heart hurt and was dark. I was angry and I wanted to be something, or somewhere else. I got baptized in the spring in the Atlantic Ocean.

The church told me I would have a powerful testimony, that God wouldn’t give me more than I could handle and the number of people I could help by overcoming would be tremendous. I studied the bible, I had a disciple. I was being disciple. I have a journal full of notes I took at each service. The time came to talk about my sins, to be free of the secret so I could step into the light. I confessed my attraction to men.

The rules for me were no different for me than that of my other male counterparts. Love thy neighbor as thy self, Turn from lust, don’t be gluttonous, or greedy, envious, prideful, slow to anger. The guys, when they saw an attractive woman or saw a commercial on TV that was sexually provocative turned their heads, changed the channel or confessed if they had impure thoughts. Masturbation was treated the same way. It was confessed and we prayed harder…with greater conviction that we be saved from the obsession, from the lust, from the impurity. To save ourselves for the one that God had planned us to be with.

There was one small problem. The guys didn’t have to be around the girls constantly. As a matter of fact it really only happened at church, church functions, church southeast conferences, church camp, or on double, triple, quadruple etc. dates as we got older. I however were around the guys all the time. It was hard not to lust when the object of my lust surrounded me at every turn or glance. I suppressed it talked, to my discipler we read more scripture and prayer more together.

I got older and as the anger subsided the puberty took over and the fear crept. We moved from Charleston to Atlanta. Same church. At church camp we met. Some of us have known each other 1994. There were others I have known or had known me since at least 1986. We had all grown up. My baptism felt fake. The praying wasn’t helping. I went on date with the girls. There wasn’t anything there and there wasn’t ever going to be but I tried. Atlanta was different. there were things I heard about here that I never were even a thought. If there had been other gay men around I was totally oblivious. No one ever said that there were others. I felt like I was alone. No one ever treated me any different. The men loved me the same they had before they knew.

I left I stopped going to church. I couldn’t anymore I was miserable. Leaving didn’t change the miserable. All that Bible in my heart and in my head only made being away worse. I went off to school and started to drink. I drank heavily. The drugs started. It got out of control. I went back the church. I had no friends outside of church it was the only place I ever felt like I belonged. We were in college now and things were much different.

This article struck me deep because this kid’s story was my own and several others’. For some reason I didn’t die from my addiction but I could have easily. It should have happened because I didn’t care anymore. I had given up on everything and everyone. The one thing I wanted was for it to all go away but the only thing that I knew I had control over was whether or not I stayed not everything else.

The church and the Bible didn’t cause me to drink and drug.  I did it  because I wanted to escape.

I didn’t choose to be gay. My Aunt Faye told me when I came out to her, ” Honey is that all you have to tell me? I’ve known since you were 3.” Everything in me tried. All they ever wanted from me was to love God.



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Underestimated – From the Books of Mark

Sometines I wonder why people underestimate me. What I think I have come to understand is that folks underestimate because they are only capable of seeing 1 dimension of a persons soul and heart. Some can’t see at all. When a spirit like yours is around they don’t comprehend so they go with what is obvious. I saw a show that said “when you’ve done things right it’s like you’ve done nothing at all.

They underestimate the intricacy of having it done right so they are oblivious to it even having happened. Or the fact that when we go to turn on the light we don’t think too much about the currents that run through the house and all the small details that happen as we flip the switch because we only expect the light to come on and only notice it when it doesn’t.

My true friends and family know me and can see right to the core of me. Every fear, joy, laugh, tear, love, heart break. When they ask how are you and I say I’m good they know what my good sounds/looks like and they know to say are you sure.

The friend who inspired this post is one of those people. From the day I met her I knew she was a force to be reckoned with. I could see all of her. My Aunt Re tells me I’m too smart for my own good and that when I put my mind to something I’m a force to be reckoned with.

Some people can see the colors between the colors. Single out 1 blade if a ceiling fan at its highest speed. Know how the power gets from the power plant hundreds of miles away to a switch in the house and some just can’t…

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America’s use of the N word part 1 and 2 w/ Don Lemon of CNN News – From The Books of Mark

I think Buck Davis said it best in part 1!!


And Don laid it straight in Part 2. Let the marketplace decide her fate. If we don’t like it don’t buy it. The LGBT community did this when they boycotted Target and Chick-Fil-A

And the follow up in preparation of tonight’s 7pm story with Don

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The “N” word and Paula Deen – From The Books of Mark

I don’t know Paula Deen personally. What I do know is that I’m guilty of prejudice. I’ve said stuff. I don’t have enough money to be in the spot light (and now that’s I’ve made this Facebook statement and several others will probably never will be) so my job and livelihood won’t be in jeopardy. Truett/Dan Cathy Owner of Chick-fil-A has a prejudice which he voiced fairly loud in a written statement but he hasn’t lost his livelihood.

How many of us go to Home Depot to hire Latino day laborers and pay them much less to do a job that we know would cost thousands of dollars to have done. They aren’t certified yet we trust them to put on a roof to save a few bucks. Sounds like racism to me but no one is squawking about that? Racism is defined as


/ˈreɪsɪzəm/ Show Spelled [rey-siz-uhm] Show IPA


1. a belief or doctrine that inherent differences among the various human races determine cultural or individual achievement, usually involving the idea that one’s own race is superior and has the right to rule others.

2. a policy, system of government, etc., based upon or fostering such a doctrine; discrimination.

3. hatred or intolerance of another race or other races.

Origin:  1865–70;  < French racisme.  See race2 , -ism

What about Snoop and Biggie and Tu-Pac and a majority of the rap community? Should they too be banned from selling their product w/ explicit lyrics at Wal-Mart or BET for using the “N” word? Why is it celebrated in one community and shunned in another? It should be shunned  and unacceptable in both. The word brings bad feelings and memories so no one should be allowed to use it. I find it very hypocritical. Changing how it ends is also irrelevant. Changing the “ER” to “A”, taking off the “ER” and adding “GGA”, taking off the last 3 letters and just leaving 1 “G” or taking of the “GGER” and/or replacing it w/ ZZLE doesn’t change the fact that the word intended on being used is just hateful.

Is the difference b/c there is no malice intended? BULL! IF we are going to make an example out of Paula Deen then everyone in the public eye who has used any racially derogatory statements or used racial slurs should lose their endorsement. I find it hypocritical that Wal-Mart (of all companies) would pull back on Paula Deen but they can’t offer their employees more than minimum wage or insurance? Wal-Mart is far from a company of moral standing and steady moral compass. I believe the woman when she says she is sorry and this has weighed heavy on your heart. It doesn’t excuse her actions but the woman shouldn’t be condemned.

Jessie Swinton, my mother’s mother, told me once that she didn’t want her neighbors to see white people stopping by her house. She also said to me in a car accident, and I told her that my friend Ryan and I were ok, BEFORE she asked how I was her response was and I quote, “Well what was that WHITE GIRL doing in the car anyway?” She didn’t use any derogatory words but the hate is still there.

I say again if Paula is gonna be made an example of then let’s make an example of all public figures who use or has ever used the “N” word. I would like to start w/ the Rap/Hip-Hop community #pauladeen

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